dangerous liaisons (the best friend)

There’s a first time for everything, I guess. I never imagined there would be a first time for this though. As I lay in bed, watching the morning light streaming through the haphazard blinds, casting lazy shadows on the hardwood floor, I couldn’t help but flash back to scenes of last night. How could something so wrong feel so right? Shivers ran down my spine as I recalled the feeling of him kissing my neck, the way my stomach flipped at the prospect of crossing over into uncharted territory. 

I’m getting way too ahead of myself, I should give you a bit of backstory so you can truly appreciate just how absolutely explosive this was, I mean I know everyone says that or thinks that or whatever, but truly, this was one of those times when you really felt the earth shattering pleasure that can come from a connection with the right person…….anyways, I’m getting carried away again. 

It was a normal night like any other, I was hanging out with a few of my guy friends and one other girl friend, having some drinks, smoking some weed and listening to music. The conversation was normal, the guys mostly acted like we weren’t there, and I didn’t mind the free research study into the inner workings of men. They were all decent guys, conventionally attractive and well-liked, but I had been too preoccupied with another guy to really ever take any notice. Besides, they went through girls easily enough, whether it was girlfriends or hookups, I had no intentions of being another part of the parade. 

There was something about the energy that night, it was as if there was an electric current running through the air. Something you could feel in your bones a bit and…..If I’m being completely honest, there was one of the guys I had noticed, in a completely harmless way, I mean I have eyes, I knew he was fucking hot. And he was one of my closest friends. I guess if I’m really being honest, I may not have been totally preoccupied with the other guy. 

Anyways, we were drinking and having a good time, enjoying the warm air and light vibe to the night, I noticed Jake – that’s the guy I was talking about before, my friend, I mean, Jake was being super nice to me, super attentive, if I didn’t know any better I would’ve thought we were flirting. He stared into my eyes at one point and my stomach dropped, suddenly the whole atmosphere felt different. I was certain there was some sort of chemical reaction unfolding between us that I could never have predicted. 

Suddenly, someone suggested we play a fun game of ‘Never Have I Ever’. Game on, I thought. I giggled nervously as I knew this was about to get steamy. As the questions progressed, things got hotter and hotter. We started revealing secret sex stories, never explored fantasies, and more. I felt outside myself, like I was so hot and bothered and yet I couldn’t believe I was here, doing this. All the while I felt Jake beside me, we kept making little movements and “accidentally” touching one another; his hand against the small of my back, my palm pressed into his thigh, him moving a stray strand of hair away from my eyes and tucking it behind my ear. I could feel myself getting wet and I was confused and excited, unsure of where the night would take us.

As the night progressed, the guys went to bed one by one, Michelle even went off to bed with Paul, thinking none of us noticed. Suddenly it was just me and Jake. The lights were low, I was just drunk enough to feel sexy and brave, and clearly he was too. The music throbbed lightly in the background and I couldn’t help myself, I jumped on his lap and straddled him, looking deep into his eyes again. “Fuck. You’re so hot.” he said breathlessly, his boyish smile adorning his charming face. “Are we really gonna do this?” I said, suddenly feeling coy. He grabbed my chin and pulled my face close to his, kissing me slowly at first, then deepening into it, finally all of our repressed attraction bubbling to the surface until we couldn’t contain ourselves.

“This is so fucking sexy” he moaned as he nibbled my ear gently. “I want you so bad” I breathed as I moved down towards his pants, undoing them and watching his big, hard cock spring out. I felt like my mouth was practically watering when I saw how beautiful it was. I immediately started licking the tip, using the moisture to wet the rest of his dick as I began to stroke my hand up and down the bottom of his shaft, moving my mouth further and further down with each lick. He kept making comments, telling me how good I was, and how hot it was that we were finally doing this and I felt my pussy get wetter and wetter. He pulled me off his cock and began moving his adept fingers around my glistening cunt, using my juices to rub my clit as I moaned with excitement before thrusting his fingers inside me, expertly fingering me. 
I came on his fingers, and pulled him towards me, kissing him deeply, unable to contain the lust I felt for him at this moment. He threw me down on the couch and lined his throbbing hard cock up with my wet pussy. He teased my opening, sliding his warm cock up and down my slit before finally slipping it in, inch by inch, and then slowly, taking it out, before finally he began to pick up speed and I really started to lose it. I couldn’t believe I was having sex with my best friend, this was crazy.

He moved my legs up onto his shoulders and began to thrust harder and deeper into me, maintaining eye contact and deepening the hold he had on me at this moment. I was overwhelmed with feeling, a ball of raw nerves, unable to conceptualize what I was doing, loving every minute of it. He flipped me over again, into doggy. “Wow, your ass takes my breath away” he sighed as he pushed my head down into the mattress and began pounding me hard and deep. I couldn’t contain myself at this point, I was practically shrieking with pleasure.

“I want to see you cum, he said, as he flipped me over once more, he held my legs together close as he thrust in and out of me, one hand softly rubbing my clit while the other was around my neck. I was about to explode. “Ugh fuck, Jake I’m gonna cum….I’m cuming….I’m cuming.” he kissed me deeply and I felt fireworks in that moment. As soon as I started cumming, so did he, until we both fell back on the couch, panting heavily, our faces contorting into massive grins. “That was…….” he looked at me “fucking crazy” I smiled back. I had no idea what this meant for our friendship, but at that moment I was on cloud 9.

the heat of may

I had just done something I’ve never done before. Sure I had written stories like that before, I had posted them online, read by my friends and enemies alike, inhibitions truly free, but never before had I written a story specifically for someone. With someone in mind. His essence dripping from word to word, his name etched there in front of me in some perverted love letter, the evidence of my feelings that I had been trying to ignore since the moment I met him. He was the culmination of everything I had come to love and yearn for in a man. The perfect storm for a girl who felt more like a desert, starved for any signs of life. 

I sent it to him on his birthday. We exchanged sly smiles when I met him in the kitchen and breathlessly told him “check your email, I sent you something”. He rushed up the stairs and I felt the butterflies in my stomach grow as I awaited his reaction…..luckily I didn’t have to wait long, as he burst into my room, matching my earlier flustered condition. Grinning from ear to ear like a sheepish young boy, he was in disbelief “you wrote that about me? Thats so fucking hot”. I melted on the spot. He moved in towards me swiftly and scooped me up in his strong arms, kissing me with fervor, the passion of his lust spilling out onto me. I was absolutely mesmerized, consumed by the magnitude of his adoration. 

We went downstairs, my legs quaking slightly – I was certain everyone at the party would notice and I would be left stammering trying to think of a possible excuse. No one noticed, as is to be expected. All day I could feel the current between us, however. Everytime he glanced my way, or his shoulder grazed mine, or I felt his gravitational pull, centering itself around me, I felt the shocks up my spine, all through my fingers and toes. I was terrified and excited, all at once. 

While it was nothing short of a night to remember, the real excitement came a few days later when we were finally alone. Everyone had left the house with other engagements. It was just me and him for the rest of the night. The excitement that had been building within me ever since I hit send on that email was coursing through my veins, sending little shocks to my extremities at random intervals. I could tell he was feeling it too. The nervous energy between the two of us at that point probably could have powered the whole house.

You’d think the first thing I would want to do once I got him alone would be to push him up against a wall and kiss him with the same heat he had put on me just a few days earlier, beg him to have his way with me, to recreate the story I had written for him. But the build was slow, and deliciously painful. We spent the afternoon outside by the pool, enjoying each other’s company and soaking up the sunshine. We listened to music and talked, dancing around the subject, the electricity hanging in the air between us and building with every stolen glance.

Finally we moved inside. I went to my room to change, not bothering to close the door. The next thing I knew, he was standing in my doorway. Looming before me, imposing not just because of his stature but because of the immense control he was currently wielding over me. My stomach was in knots as he looked at me darkly, seductively, his face shadowed with lust. “That story you wrote me was so fucking hot. All day my friends kept telling me how lucky I was to have you, and all I could think about was what I wanted to do to you.” The entire expanse of my skin was covered in goosebumps as I anticipated what was to come next. He strode towards me confidently and grabbed my chin with his strong, capable hands. He looked into my eyes for a few lingering seconds before he moved in for a kiss. Kissing me passionately, deeply. All I knew in that moment was him. I was absolutely consumed by him, ready for whatever came next. 

I hooked my fingers into his swim trunks and pulled him towards the bed, pushing him down as I lowered them down to his ankles and brought his now hardening cock out into the hazy afternoon light. I kneeled in between his legs and began slowly, teasingly, licking the tip of his dick. My hands gripped his thighs, steadying myself as I moved my tongue along the sides of his swollen member. He moaned lightly and ran his hands through my hair, applying light pressure to my head as I continued to increase the intensity of my movements. I began bobbing my head up and down, bringing it half way up before plunging it back down towards his balls, stopping every so often to swirl my tongue around his tip, all the while using one hand to stroke his shaft while the other caressed his balls. 

Before long, he couldn’t take it any longer, he pulled me up towards me and threw me down on the bed as if in one swift motion. I could feel my pussy throbbing with anticipation, eagerly awaiting whichever method he would use to pleasure me. He began kissing my ears, softly, slowly, barely grazing the bottoms of my ear lobes before moving down my neck, along my collar bones, leaving a trail of electrified skin as he went. He reached my breasts and ripped off my bikini top, taking my tits in his hands and applying pressure before moving his tongue to my nipples, stopping on them briefly before again continuing down towards my dripping pussy. 

Meanwhile, his hand had been teasing my clit, rubbing around it, getting my blood flowing, barely able to contain myself. I was moaning in his ear already. He slipped one finger into my wet hole and began fingering me in a come hither motion, still toying with my clit with his other fingers, it was almost too good to handle, I could feel an orgasm building. His mouth made it to my hips and he started kissing towards my aching cunt, desperate for more I bucked my hips out towards him. He chuckled devilishly as his tongue plunged inside me and I moaned loudly, uncontrollably. He continually licked and applied pressure with his tongue, not letting me wriggle away from the pleasure growing deep within me. 

Finally, I couldn’t take it, I had to have him inside me at that moment or I was going to explode. I pulled his face up to mine and kissed him as if his mouth held the antidote I needed to survive. His intensity matched mine and he lined his rock hard cock up with my slit. “Wait – grab your vibrator” he smiled wickedly down at me. I did as I was told and grabbed my toy out from my nightstand beside us. He turned it on and put it on my clit sending shockwaves through my body already. Just then he plunged his throbbing member deep inside me, at which point I think it’s safe to say I fully lost my mind. I was consumed by a need, a need for his body, a need like none other I had ever felt, powered by pent up lust and the feeling that this was all or nothing. I rocked my hips up towards him, arching my back and creating the perfect, tight, hold on his dick, thrusting in and out of me. 
“You’re so fucking hot” he moaned through a clenched jaw, focused on his performance, not knowing that just having him there inside me in this moment was ecstasy enough. I wanted to tell him that in that moment he was the culmination of all my dreams, but I held my tongue, overcome anyways by the growing sensations spreading through my body as I reached the peak of yet another orgasm. “I’m gonna cum babe, don’t stop” I whined, my breaths shallow. He continued driving into me, all the while we stared into each other’s eyes, until finally we both reached the apex of our pleasure at the same moment, the whole world instantly melding into background noise as I felt my pussy squeezing his cock dry of every last drop.

We lay there not speaking for a few moments, before we both began to giggle, shly almost, as if we hadn’t just known each other so primally. “I’m starving after that” he proclaimed, “let me get myself cleaned up and I’ll make you something to eat” I smiled, embracing my sudden urge towards domesticity.

colour theory

I don’t know what it is for you
but for me it’s music.

You know what I mean
that thing that brings you back to a memory

No, to a feeling.

You crawl into a new skin
or really, an old skin.

A phase or a version
of who you once were.

All that, contained in a lyric, or a tone or,
I don’t know what it is for you.

I guess I would say
I’ve always had a thing with music.

All the things I could never say
all the things I felt so deeply.

The kind of feeling that makes you believe
in time traveling.

I know that sounds, dramatic
but think about.

To feel the exact way that you did
in any given moment.

All wrapped up in a verse-chorus-hook little gift wrapped package.

I don’t know what it is for you
but for me it’s the feeling you get…..

when you’re home alone at dusk
dancing around with your headphones in

the star of your own reality show,
the vibration from the tip of your crown

all the way down into your toes.

I don’t know what it is for you…..

madness under moonlight

Abigail looked out at the sprawling vista before her, the flickering hues of orange and yellow grazing the tree tops and bathing the valleys with golden light, while the first hints of the days crepuscule spilled over, threatening to bathe the very same hills and valleys in darkness. She shuddered as she considered the brevity of a day, and vowed to herself to be more conscientious of how she spent her time.

Abigail had always been a hard worker, she got good grades in school, which did not come naturally. She worked very hard in order to maintain her 85% average in order to get into the schools of her choosing. In turn, she had had a job since she was twelve and a half; first a lemonade stand with her friends, which turned into a booth at the county fair selling her freshly squeezed juices, and eventually as she grew older more corporate, structured jobs. All this was to say that Abigail was not one to stop and smell the roses. But now, now that she had reached a certain modicum of success, a comfortable life, she wondered what exactly she had missed out on throughout all those years of trying hard.

As she looked out over her gorgeous backyard view, and the warm air blew the edges of her cotton dress, she decided that night she would go out and really take in the experiences that life had to offer. She headed inside towards the all glass back wall of her estate, mentally picking out items from her usually conservative closet that she could turn into a smoking hot outfit for a night of fun., outside of her comfort zone.

She showered in no particular rush, taking the time to lather her body and ensure she had shaved every last bit of hair, hoping it would help instill her with the confidence she might need tonight. Once she got out and towelled off, she walked gently over to the mini fridge in her dressing room and grabbed one of the bottles of champagne she kept in there for emergencies…….if this wasn’t an emergency, she didn’t know what was. She popped the cork and brought the icy cold bottle to her lips, taking a few swigs of liquid courage before heading over to her makeup table.

Abigail, who was usually one for more soft, natural looks, decided to embody her new, bold take on life and went for a sultry, smoky look. She was amazed with how her eyes seemed to pop and her lips formed the perfect insolent pout. A chill ran down her spine as she made eye contact with herself in the mirror and saw the potential unfolding before her, hiding somewhere below her usually poised and polished surface. She blow dried her hair and put in some product in order to achieve an effortless, full, beachy look.

Finally, the moment of truth, choosing an outfit. She took a big inhale as she stepped into her walk in closet, faced with the task of choosing THE outfit. She was determined to step as far out of her comfort zone as possible, so she selected a short black leather mini skirt, hiding on the back of a shelf, she slipped on a pair of simple black louboutin pumps and for her top, she had selected a lacy black bra under a black silk button up. Finally, she put on a simple choker, with a black leather band and one simple canary diamond hanging down from the front. Perfect, she thought to herself smugly, admiring her final look in the mirror.

She instructed the town car driver to take her to a bar downtown that looked dark and inconspicuous on google. Her body hummed with electricity as she anticipated the night ahead. She had finished the champagne while she had gotten ready, the bubbly beverage now coursing through her veins and empowering her further into the night. It wasn’t long before they pulled up to the bar and the driver got out to open her door. Her long legs exited the car before she did and she shivered in the cool evening air, cursing herself for not having thought to throw on a jacket, she could feel the silk of her shirt brush against her hard, lace covered nipples. 

Abigail was quickly ushered inside and strode over to the bar, where she sat down and promptly ordered a shot of patron, and a dirty martini. She took the shot with no chaser, no salt, reveling in the sting and the warmth flowing through her body. As she put her glass down on the bar, a figure approached her from the dark back of the bar. Her eyes, initially bleary from the patron, but uninhibited enough from the champagne, drifted over towards it, instantly locking in on the handsome face appearing before her.

He was dark and rugged, the kind of man the movies make out to be the villain, but you just know is hiding a heart somewhere underneath all the designer suits and calculating smirks. His face held the beginnings of five o’clock shadow, emphasizing a jawline even Zeus would be jealous of. His hair was dark and coiffed but had begun to show signs of the animal lurking beneath the surface of the man standing before her. He was tall and broad, and he smiled at her as if he already had her wrapped around his finger. She smiled to herself. He didn’t know he was really her prey tonight. 

“Hi, I’m Michael.” he said, his voice low and commanding. “Nice to meet you Michael, I’m Eva.” she smirked, her inside joke with herself threatening to bubble up to the surface. “Can I get you a drink, Eva?”, “I just ordered one, but something tells me you’ll be getting the rest” Abigail could not believe the woman coming out of her tonight. She felt like this was a total out of body experience. Exactly what she had been looking for.

Michael sat next to her and the pair chatted and drank, both making sure to throw in casual physical gestures along the way; a brush of fingertips across finger tops, a squeeze of a thigh, a stray hair moved out of place. Each move a volley and spin in the chaotic dance sport they were engaging in this evening.

Finally, Michael leaned in, determined to close the gap and set the tone for the rest of the evening. Abigail was in the middle of a sentence, some story she had been making up about a supposed friend of hers “listen Eva, I don’t mean to interrupt you. But I have been watching your lips move all night, and all I can think of is how beautiful they would look around my cock.” At first she was appalled, how dare he speak to her like that?! How dare he be so bold? And yet, she couldn’t deny the warm, tingling sensation she was feeling in her pussy as the words left his mouth.

She took a long sip of her drink, leaving him in excruciating silence, quietly calculating if he had gone too far. “Lets go.” she practically purred as she looked into his deep golden brown eyes. They stepped outside into the brisk evening air and he motioned over to a car. They got in the back and began driving towards what she assumed was his place. The tension hung in the air and she waited patiently to make any kind of move, hoping he would do something before she exploded with lust there in his back set.  They pulled into a long, secluded, winding driveway, which at the end sat a brusque stone house, illuminated by the glowing moonlight. He thanked the driver as they hopped out and grabbed her arm, leading her towards the heavy front door.

Once inside, he guided her towards the back of the house. “Let’s grab a drink from the kitchen and head out back,” he ordered. The house was sprawling and dark, clearly well taken care of and adorned with not much other than bold, odd pieces of art dispersed amongst the walls and halls leading around the home. He grabbed a bottle from the fridge and two glasses as they headed out towards what she assumed was the back door.

Her breath caught in her chest as she took in the view before her, the moonlight bathed the backyard; she saw beyond the slate tiles and waterfall pool, down the lush rolling hills and past the perfectly cultivated flower beds, lay a gorgeous crystal clear lake, lit by the moon. Something overtook her and she began to strip off her clothes, sauntering over towards the lake. Michael followed without saying a word.

They both hit the water and Abigail immediately spun around to take in his naked approaching form. He looked even better out of his suit than he had in it. She took in his muscular body, gleaming in the pale light. Stopping when she got to his stiffening cock. She was practically drooling at the sight of it. He approached her in the water, painfully slowly, finally stopping right in front of her. “You’re something else” he chuckled gently, before he grabbed her by the chin, pulling her face up towards his as he kissed her passionately. Her knees just about buckled as she felt her lips melt into his.

She felt completely naked in the water, no one but the moon to witness their tantalization. His strong hands ran down her body and stopped at her ass squeezing it, as she moaned into his mouth. He picked her up and wrapped her legs around him, as the fingers of his right hand slowly moved towards her slit, teasing the opening, feeling her wetness spread as he rubbed her clit. Meanwhile, she had moved to kissing her way up his neck and gently nibbling his ear, whispering her moans into it as he continued to move his fingers dexterously around her glistening pussy.

“Lets go back to shore, I want to put your cock in my mouth” Abigail moaned breathlessly. He carried her onto shore and threw her down gently, standing proudly in front of her, his hard cock glistening in the forbidden moonlight. She crawled towards him and hungrily took his dick in her mouth, making sure to lick to tip and cup his balls before making her way all the way down his shaft just go come half way back up, teasing him by switching her pace, using her hands expertly on his balls and shaft. She even took turns stroking his shaft eagerly as she lapped his balls into her mouth and sucked them gently as if they were two delicate eggs in her velvet mouth.

He pulled her up towards him “I need you. Now” he growled, unable to hide his primary needs. He plunged his stiff shaft into her inviting hole and she gasped and moaned, not caring if they woke the entire lake. They stared into eachothers eyes as they moved rhythmically in tune with one another, her pussy squeezing his big hard cock as he drove it in and out of her. Suddenly she pulled back and lifted her leg over his head, turning around so that he was now fucking her doggy style, “pull my hair” she smiled wickedly back at him. Michael obliged pulling her by the hair so that her back was arched and her head was right next to his lips, “you’re mine, aren’t you, you fucking slut” it was too much for her, she immediately shuddered and came all over his cock as he continuted to pound her.

“Don’t stop! Don’t stop!” she cried out in ecstasy. Michaeal picked up the pace, pounding her deeper and deeper, losing himself in the moment, about to cum himself, he lost all sense of time and reason and felt himself unleashing a torrent of cum that could only be likened to that of Thor. The pair collapsed beside each other on the beach, chests heaving, as they looked up at the moon and all her twinkling stars. “We should do that again sometime” chuckled Michael, ‘I’m in trouble’ thought Abigail.

in my dreams

I’ve been dreaming about you

what can I say, you twinkle and dance around my thoughts like

nothing,

like everything.

My memories drip and burn with you

I feel you on my skin when I wake up

I spend my day consumed with trying to figure out

the snippets of unreality

all that I’m left with.

You’re in my heart

imprinted on my brain

inescapable in every way and

though this should torture me

I’m terrified of the day you start slipping from my mind.

Yet life goes on.

You, in my dreams,

on my skin

in my head

just close enough to touch

but……

and me,

always wanting more

and moving

forward…..

have you ever met a woman?

Have you ever met a woman
who brings light and joy to everything she touches
but somehow also keeps your feet on the ground?

She knows when to hold your hand
and when to wag her finger
yet either way you know she’s beside you.

Some may simply call this a friend
some may say that’s family
they’re missing the point, that she brings light to this world!

Yes she is good and kind
and she’s always there when you need her
beyond that though, she inspires, just by existing.

Her smile is warm and genuine
her laugh is hearty and full
but her heart contains multitudes most never get the pleasure of knowing.

She is wild,
she is rare,
she is one of a kind.

And yet, I am the lucky one
for knowing her makes me better
for knowing her makes me loved.

rust and stardust

All we are is stars & everything in between
the whole universe in an atom
& here we are walking around made of many.

Can you stand on the ledge of everything & feel lucky?
Infinite possibilities lie before you.
And here you are! Here! Now!

Oh how the stars conspire
oh how they shine!
On my worst days, I am still composed of stardust.

The universe dances around endlessly.
She twirls and sashays, glimmering and gleaning.
I am somehow the middle, the end, and the beginning.

She is me and I am her
and yet, somehow, there is still you.
It all folds and flows and falls into place.

“Find beauty in the simple things”
but darling, we’re all so complex
why reduce our elegance to simplicity?

On the days when the universe feels overwhelming
like she could swallow you whole
just remember, that you are the beach and the wave.

inescapable waves

Everyone knows that at the depths of despair, grief is all consuming

like you’re drowning in the middle of the ocean with out a soul in sight or a harbour to call home,

but what about the waves,

that come later and later,

fewer and farther apart,

less of an impact but they’ll knock the air out of you regardless.

I always forget about the waves until I’m thrashing against them fighting to get a breath of air,

my toes can touch the bottom and yet I’m still struggling in the ocean none the less,

“it’s just the waves, they come and they go”

I tell myself,

let go, give in, go with the flow,

eventually it all passes.

But every time the waves come,

and they’ll never stop coming,

every time it catches me a little off guard.

black and blue

I spent months with bruised thighs
from digging in my finger tips
any time I was alone with you.

Everything you said cut like a knife
and yet there I was dangling off your edges
black and blue and red all over.

Hanging off your every word like I could become the me you wanted me to be
not realizing that your problem was with you
there was nothing I could have done to be understood by you.

I tore myself up from the inside out
trapped in a body I no longer knew
contorting myself into whatever arrangement might please you most.

Trying and trying yet nothing worked
nothing was good enough
I was still the villain in your story.

But how come I’m the one who walked away with scars
while you’re unchanged?
Baby you’re the fire and the gasoline

I’m the wood that you burn
up in smoke and into the universe
mingling with the stars.

That’s what you didn’t expect
for me to come out of your destruction reborn
a better version of myself.

No thanks to you.
Surviving you was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do.
I cherish myself for pulling through.

Nothing hurts like you
but at least my legs are no longer black and blue
I’m finally climbing out the other side, away from you.

“suicide” is not a dirty word

Meghan’s interview has got me thinking,
reflecting on my own experiences
& the human experience.

Watching people argue & analyze
whether or not she meant it
or is just being dramatic, trying to garner sympathy.

I can’t help but see the parallels to my own story.
My whole life I’ve been told
my big feelings make other people uncomfortable.

I should shrink them down
keep them a secret
otherwise I’m just looking for attention.

Have you ever told someone you want to kill yourself
with tears streaming down your face
only to be met with rolled eyes?

I would go to sleeping lulling myself with the thought
“if you still feel like this tomorrow, we’ll finally do it”
feeling relieved that at least I wasn’t bothering anyone with my feelings.

We live in a society where being suicidal is shameful
or unbelievable if your life looks too comfy from the outside.
How hard is it to just offer love and compassion?

Does staring into darkness make it too hard
to confront ones own demons?
Who amongst us has not felt it’s pull?

To feel such agony that the only option is an escape
And then on top of that
to be told you’re faking it, just being dramatic, looking for attention.

This obsession to fit people into our own conceptions of them
to force them into boxes that fit our narrative
stripping them of their humanity

has got
to
stop.