up and onwards

Since my memories first began to form
I have felt a breadth of intricate feelings
Lacking the depth of experience
Informing my progression of personhood
A self-fulfilling prophecy of becoming
And now
Older, sure
Wiser, maybe
Sensibilities still full of grandeur
Now littered with a life lived
A vast expanse left ahead still to be traversed
I try, desperately, failingly
To claw back the ignorance
Push away the ugliness of experience
Intimately intertwined in me
Hopeful
Hopeless
All the same

Sunny Sunny Days

This is how the day goes, soft and shadowy, bright snd electric. At odds yet all together. I sit in the sun and reflect on my memories, analyzing thoughts as a task. Stopping to smell the breeze, florals fill my consciousness, eyes closed, sun on my skin. I feel it all. No really, I feel it all. I am just one spec of dust in infinite time and yet, the world feels like it is just for me. Created for my pleasure. For my pain. Melting as I sit, basking, birds chirping, quiet contemplation. There’s so much to consider. Always humming with electricity, at least that’s how it feels, in my brain. No really, in my brain. As the bees buzz by and the dragon flys vibrate, barely perceptible, I am alive, I am here and now. One part of a staggering totality. My sun revolves around me, and don’t I know it, don’t I feel it. Don’t I feel it all. What else is there to do but enjoy the light.

Bubble Bath

Strike me now
while I delight in this languid warmth
calming aromatics soothe through every pore
my heart-beat in synch with a bluesy deep bass

Float up from beneath me
breaking through soft bubbles
water just below boiling, caressing my skin
stark cold porcelain edges – my only respite from the heat

Let it flow
like this puckered up punch to my lips
as the tension melts away, limb from limb
relax my mind, release my soul, too much to ask,

from a bubble bath?

Spring, Slowly

My mind is always racing, bouncing from one ponderance to another. I roam the expanses of my consciousness, searching, asking, hoping, wanting. All the while arriving nowhere? Everywhere, all at once? The rhythmic hum of rain, drumming softly on my window pane, the only interruption in my reverie. Wistful wondering, lazy afternoons, stuck in a haze…or did I mean daze? You see what I mean? Too much, too little, never enough. Slipping in and out of here and now, there’s always better days. Yearning for the suns warm touch, grass soft under my feet, flowers blooming, life again. The seasons they do change.

Spring Fever

“What do you think of when you close your eyes?” A whispered question, awaiting a response, heart heavy in my chest, a flutter nonetheless. His breathing matches mine. Lips parting gently, “beauty, peace, the sun, the stars, and mostly you.” I can’t help but feel the warmth spilling out of him, spilling out of me. Desire seeps through me. Grey days and cold mornings slowly fade into abstraction. Here I am now, a glow. Slow, sleepy afternoons last under covers. Soft slow passion. We are an island. I’ve never been more excited to be stranded.

Tsunami Season

She is unforgiving 
She is hungry 
She rises up with the clouds 
Preparing to crash back down 
Clawing everything back with her inky tendrils 

Angry, she thrashes 
Before her descent into madness 
You can’t outrun this vicious fate 
If you lie in her way 
All are the same in her clutches 

Just as she came she flees back out 
Rage appeased from her feed
Retreating out to sea to sulk 
For all we’ve done, her small revenge 
Leaving her mess for those left over in her wake 

september

There’s a certain hope that comes in autumn , the wild wicked summer air dissipates and makes way for something calmer, something cosier. Not necessarily safe, but comforting. I ease in to the cool crisp air and sigh as I watch the leaves around me start to tinge with muted orange, playful yellows and bold reds. Just like summer sunsets before, autumn brings with her her own shades of promise. I inhale crystalline air into my heaving lungs, ready to slow down, standing at the edge of a fog covered field, staring out into the unknown. I am ready for whatever comes next, what winter winds blow my way. I change just as the seasons do. More me than ever before with each passing moment.