up and onwards

Since my memories first began to form
I have felt a breadth of intricate feelings
Lacking the depth of experience
Informing my progression of personhood
A self-fulfilling prophecy of becoming
And now
Older, sure
Wiser, maybe
Sensibilities still full of grandeur
Now littered with a life lived
A vast expanse left ahead still to be traversed
I try, desperately, failingly
To claw back the ignorance
Push away the ugliness of experience
Intimately intertwined in me
Hopeful
Hopeless
All the same