into the void

Posted byalexxfayPosted inabout me, convos w myself, creative writing, existentialism, mental health, philosophy, poems, reflectionsTags:, , , , , , , , , ,

I am tired
tired of giving more than I receive
and still feeling so alone.
Constantly lost in my thoughts, drowning in despair
no one to turn to.
People always offer “but you can talk to me!”
yet when I do, I can feel the discomfort
or they give me some stock reply
‘I’m sorry you feel that way!’ ‘That sucks!’
Cold & clinical.
Maybe I expect too much…
need too much.
But how can that be when I’ve spent a lifetime alone?
I am painfully aware of my sensitivity
I know I am not an easy person to love
demanding, deep, volatile
in need of constant reassurance
I have learned to turn inwards
write in my many journals
scream into the void.
I am tired
of considering how others perceive me
I crave radical acceptance
to be adored for my flaws
appreciated as the person I am
recognized for all my efforts.
Instead I toil away in my own mind
feeling ever more lonely, day by day.
I post constantly, hoping someone will notice, relate
but it’s all so fleeting
At the end of the day my thoughts are my own
I am alone in this big cosmic soup.

2 thoughts on “into the void”

  1. A dangerous poem to comment on, I think. Still, I cannot help it. The prose-poetry format is at its best here, as a powerful and cruel observation of our need for “radical acceptance”. There’s still a sense of rhythm underlying the words, maybe the cadence of breath when read aloud. Whatever the case, it really draws me in, despite length usually being a turn off for me, aesthetically speaking.
    As an aside, though I pity you your circumstances, I admit to a wary sense of pleasure as well. You’ve written about something so sharply personal that is likewise tragically universal, and loneliness does adore further loneliness.

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