Author Archives: alexxfay

time doesn’t stop

It’s been a year and eight months, almostsomehow it feels like both an eternity and no time at allthe magical shapeshifting nature of time under grief.I still feel like I can text you or DM you or call youunder false pre-tenses, just to hear your voice, to know you’re still therebut you’re somewhere else andContinue reading “time doesn’t stop”

28 Reflections

I just spent the afternoon riding my bike around town, in the rain.Although I am covered in rain water, sweat and mud, I can’t help but feel cleansed.Maybe it’s because I’m on the heels of my 28th birthday, and I always feel extra emotional around this time, or maybe it’s because the last two yearsContinue reading “28 Reflections”

lost in a heatwave

It’s crazy how you can go from not knowing someone at all, barely noticing them in that way, another face in the crowd, to lusting over them 24/7. Okay. Maybe that’s an exaggeration. But not really. At least it doesn’t feel like it. When I first met Theo, sure he was nice and I wasContinue reading “lost in a heatwave”

the start of summer

Isn’t that one of the best parts?Getting to know each other, feeling each other outunsure of the next move, yours or theirs.Isn’t it the sweetest?That first taste….first touchtension burning hotter than the summer sun. Isn’t this dance we do so fun?Dangerously so, a tightrope tangotwo bodies and minds playing with synchronicity.Isn’t the urge nearly irresistible?toContinue reading “the start of summer”

Lost Love

I’m afraid to fall in love againbecause it feels disloyal. Like if I do it meant I didn’t love him as much as I said I didas much as I know I did. But what else is there to do? I loved a boyin very many ways we grew up together. The difference is hisContinue reading “Lost Love”

little things

I love the little waysto fall in love a personplatonic love, romantic love,fantasy love,like the little drawings they doodle in idlenessor the way they twirl their hair when they’re nervousany little thingthe minute detailsyou slowly get to knowthe things that stick out mosteven after the passage of timeconcrete intricaciesquick moments of human delight.

scared of the dark

I’m scared of the dark  Mostly Except when I’m feeling particularly apathetic Then I think  Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad If some unknown entity swallowed me whole 

Spinning Out

Spinning Outthey call ityou’re losing controlthey call ityou’re making no sensethey call itwe don’t want to deal with itthey call ityour feelings are too muchthey call ityou’re making it upthey call itit’s not real they call ityou’re faking itthey call ityou want people to feel bad for you they call it. We’re so sorrythey callContinue reading “Spinning Out”

Cupids Arrow

I sat in front of my full length mirror, putting on my makeup slowly, letting the gentle brush strokes caress my cheeks as I admired my work. Each action was made with intention, a subtle manifestation for a night of pleasure and love ahead. Me and Ahava had told our boyfriends we didn’t care whatContinue reading “Cupids Arrow”