time doesn’t stop

It’s been a year and eight months, almost
somehow it feels like both an eternity and no time at all
the magical shapeshifting nature of time under grief.
I still feel like I can text you or DM you or call you
under false pre-tenses, just to hear your voice, to know you’re still there
but you’re somewhere else and every day I’m reminded.
Your absence is a black hole at the centre of my heart
even on my brightest days, I’m left wondering
what space would you be filling?
Still I worry, how long will it be before I start to forget the sound of your laugh
and then I start to question myself,
am I only holding on to this sadness to keep a piece of you with me?
What are the limits of losing someone
how long can you hold on to fading memories in time that continues to hurtle forward
when does holding onto the past become disingenuous ?