black and blue

I spent months with bruised thighs
from digging in my finger tips
any time I was alone with you.

Everything you said cut like a knife
and yet there I was dangling off your edges
black and blue and red all over.

Hanging off your every word like I could become the me you wanted me to be
not realizing that your problem was with you
there was nothing I could have done to be understood by you.

I tore myself up from the inside out
trapped in a body I no longer knew
contorting myself into whatever arrangement might please you most.

Trying and trying yet nothing worked
nothing was good enough
I was still the villain in your story.

But how come I’m the one who walked away with scars
while you’re unchanged?
Baby you’re the fire and the gasoline

I’m the wood that you burn
up in smoke and into the universe
mingling with the stars.

That’s what you didn’t expect
for me to come out of your destruction reborn
a better version of myself.

No thanks to you.
Surviving you was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do.
I cherish myself for pulling through.

Nothing hurts like you
but at least my legs are no longer black and blue
I’m finally climbing out the other side, away from you.