“suicide” is not a dirty word

Meghan’s interview has got me thinking,
reflecting on my own experiences
& the human experience.

Watching people argue & analyze
whether or not she meant it
or is just being dramatic, trying to garner sympathy.

I can’t help but see the parallels to my own story.
My whole life I’ve been told
my big feelings make other people uncomfortable.

I should shrink them down
keep them a secret
otherwise I’m just looking for attention.

Have you ever told someone you want to kill yourself
with tears streaming down your face
only to be met with rolled eyes?

I would go to sleeping lulling myself with the thought
“if you still feel like this tomorrow, we’ll finally do it”
feeling relieved that at least I wasn’t bothering anyone with my feelings.

We live in a society where being suicidal is shameful
or unbelievable if your life looks too comfy from the outside.
How hard is it to just offer love and compassion?

Does staring into darkness make it too hard
to confront ones own demons?
Who amongst us has not felt it’s pull?

To feel such agony that the only option is an escape
And then on top of that
to be told you’re faking it, just being dramatic, looking for attention.

This obsession to fit people into our own conceptions of them
to force them into boxes that fit our narrative
stripping them of their humanity

has got
to
stop.