reflections

As the year draws to a close, I can’t help but reflect on all that has transpired and all that I’ve learned. One of the most important lessons I’ve learned this year is how to walk away from people and situations that are toxic or not serving a positive purpose. When I think back to the countless nights I lied awake sobbing, consoling myself, swearing to myself I wouldn’t let that person do this to me again….and then a few days, or weeks, sometimes even months later, I’d somehow find myself right back in the same position, except some how worse because you’re crawling back to someone who hurt you so deeply, sometimes even publicly.

There was a period of this year where I experienced one of the darkest points of my life, I really felt as if I was close to falling off the edge. I am so grateful for all the many amazing people in my life who helped me through this time, I don’t think I could begin to express how important these people are to me. I am also grateful to myself. Grateful for my strength and ability to always claw my way back off the ledge and towards greener pastures.

If I could go back and see that girl, the girl that I was, I would hug her so tight and tell her to have the strength to walk away from these people who were hell bent on taking out their traumas on her, I would tell her to love her soul as much as she loves her body, to protect her at all costs because she is delicate and she has no business being in rough hands.

It took me 26 years to learn how to stand up for myself and cut myself off from people who are hell bent on taking out their hurt and pain on the world around them. By the same token, I had to have a hard look at myself and the times that I’ve been the one taking my traumas out on others. As we all know, you can’t go back and undo the passed, we can only push forward, hopefully as better people. I like to think I am becoming a better person, and though it has been a challenging, painful, often times quite toxic road, it has also been immensely rewarding.

I hope I can continue to grow and learn and to protect my present and future self and soul for all the times I didn’t in the passed.